In the UK, the coronavirus rumour mill has been churning since the 16th of March – the day of the dreaded nation wide lockdown. Who is responsible for such an unanticipated event? Why? Is there a cure? Questions like these mean conspiracy weirdos are crawling out of the woodwork and I am here for it. Its a dark time we are living in, but I’ve complied a list of the stupidest theories that will hopefully brighten your day.
1. COVID19 was invented by the person that created the QR code…
…to make it relevant again. To be fair its made a bigger comeback then Rick Astley with that stupid 80’s song during the internet phenomenon of ‘Rick Rolling’ in 2007.
2. Clapping for the NHS….
…was actually set up so the government could cover the noise of construction whilst they sneakily setup a 5g network. Every week they have to test it, and this sets off a really loud buzzing noise for exactly one minute which the clap covers. Duh.
3. Groupon and Wowcher have created the coronavirus…
so that people are more likely to bulk buy their aggressive daily deals. ‘500 loo rolls?!?! – better buy all of these before we as a nation resort to wiping our arses with dock leaves.
4. Drinking and cocaine kill the coronavirus
Most likely set up by optimistic party-goers who were trying to manifest it into existence. This gained so much traction that the French Government had to step in to dispel the rumour saying ‘”No, cocaine does NOT protect against COVID-19. It is an addictive drug that causes serious side effects and is harmful to people’s health.” Too funny.
6. My ex started coronavirus so i can’t go out and get laid
No telling what some bitter exes wont do.
7. To keep us all inside so the government can change the batteries in the birds
Seems pretty plausible to me. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
8. Precipitation = Coronavirus
Lockdowns should be released because the virus can not be stopped. It, being airborne, has been swept into the upper atmosphere and will rain down from the sky whenever it rains. You know, like acid rain.
9. Bill Gates.
I had a lot of fun researching this, but came across an unusual villain – Bill Gates. Everyone is very quick to blame him. Whether he created the virus to control the population, to mass microchip, to profit off the pharmaceutical companies or so he could team up with the ‘New World Order’ to make Americans afraid and take their liberty and constitutional rights. He is 100% public enemy no.1.